Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize