i barfeds in our rink
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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