You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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