Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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