I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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