Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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