This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
be right there i have to get my cape
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
