My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize