my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
