I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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