So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
