My cat gives me a boner
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
