Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
