"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
