we have officially lost it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
