the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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