his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
