I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
