Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
