His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize