Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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