I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
