is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
