And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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