The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
