I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
