Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Houston, we have a squirter
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
