It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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