Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
