dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
