I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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