I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
