My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
