Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
