Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
