We won't sleep together?
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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