Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
