I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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