You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm just crazy horny about you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
