he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
