She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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