Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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