apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
