so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
