He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
