Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
