After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
