dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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