He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
