I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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