Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
there is puke in my bra ... again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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