Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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