I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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