Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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