Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
