i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
