how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize