the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The air taste purple.
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