God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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