Please, let me fuck your mom
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
