we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
