I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
false alarm. still invincible.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
