i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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