So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
