Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
