So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
