At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
