3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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