Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
