We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
