the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
