Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize