Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
