I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
