His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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