Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
