You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How external is "for external use only"?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
