does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
