I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
