double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were destined to go to rehab together
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
