I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
do herpes really smell.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
