I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize