Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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