I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
